More 1890s Bicycle Jokes: The Crash Edition

There’s nothing especially funny about a cycling crash, especially if you’ve been in one. Nevertheless, bike-crash jokes were quite popular back in the 1890s because, well, there were a lot of bicycle crashes: bike v. bike; bike v. horse, bike v. trolley car, bike v. horse-drawn wagon or carriage. I bet most of these jokes were written by non-cyclists.

So, here we go, lots of bike-crash jokes from back in the day…

She: Did you know I had a new bicycle suit?

He: No, I didn’t. Whom have you run over now?

***

Bacon: I see our minister is going to preach next Sunday on “The Fall of Man.”

Eghert: What! Another bicycle sermon?

***

“Uncle Bob, what is a pedestrian?”

“Why, he’s the fellow who makes a row when a bicycle runs him over.”

***

“Does the bicycle hurt your business?”

“Yes. The junior partner and the confidential buyer are both in the hospital.”

***

She: Was there anything particular about the town that struck you?

He: Yes, a bicycle.

***

Stranger: What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?

Policeman: Try to cross in front of a bicycle.

***

Part 1 (of 4)

Wheeler: And don’t you think the bicycle will ever be useful in warfare?

Walker: No. I doubt it will ever get further than its present status as a mere instrument of assault and battery.

***

“It’s terrible,” he said, “to see the way one member of Congress after another gets unseated.”

“Well,” his wife answered, “it serves them right for giving in to the bicycle craze.”

Part 2 (of 4)

***

Nurse: Willie, in your prayers you forgot to pray for grandmother’s safety.

Willie: Has she got a bicycle, too?

***

“What do you think of the bicycle craze?

“Great thing! I never took so much exercise in all my life.”

“Why, I didn’t know that you were riding.”

“I’m not, but I have to cross the streets once in a while.”

Part 3 (of 4)

***

“Becoming pretty expert on the wheel, Timmons?”

“Very. I ran down two women, a baby and a dog last week without once falling off.”

***

Briggs: What! A new bicycle suit! And so different from the one you had on the other day.

Griggs: You bet it is! I ran over a woman who lives in the next block and I don’t want her to recognize me.

***

Ethel: “Did you ever run across a real smart man in your life?

Penelope: “No, indeed; such men jump very quickly when they hear a bicycle bell.”

Part 4

***

“Ah,” said Mrs. Brown to her husband, who had come home with a black eye and no hat, “that’s what you get for riding a bicycle.”

“No, my dear; it’s what I get for not being able to ride a bicycle.”

***

Mrs. Yeast: I wish I could think of something to keep my husband home nights.

Mrs. Crimsonbeak: Get him a bicycle.

Mrs. Yeast: That would take him out more than ever.

Mrs. Crimsonbeak: O, no, it wouldn’t. My husband got one day before yesterday, and the doctor says he won’t be out for about a month.”

***

“They say riding a bicycle is health producing.”

“Can’t agree with you. I never had to pay so many doctors’ bills as I have since I took it up.”

“But you look extremely hale and hearty.”

“Yes, but I mean the doctors’ bills of those I ran over.”

***

“Are all of these young men anxious to become surgeons?” asked the visitor.

“They are,” replied the lecturer upon surgery.

“But how can so many expect to make a living?”

“Think if the effect of the present bicycle craze.”

Interested in cycling history? There’s plenty more in my eBook: The Boy With No Legs Who Rode Like the Wind. Here’s the link to my story about it and here’s the etsy link to get the book.

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