There’s nothing especially funny about a cycling crash, especially if you’ve been in one. Nevertheless, bike-crash jokes were quite popular back in the 1890s because, well, there were a lot of bicycle crashes: bike v. bike; bike v. horse, bike v. trolley car, bike v. horse-drawn wagon or carriage. I bet most of these jokes were written by non-cyclists.
So, here we go, lots of bike-crash jokes from back in the day…
She: Did you know I had a new bicycle suit?
He: No, I didn’t. Whom have you run over now?
Bacon: I see our minister is going to preach next Sunday on “The Fall of Man.”
Eghert: What! Another bicycle sermon?
“Uncle Bob, what is a pedestrian?”
“Why, he’s the fellow who makes a row when a bicycle runs him over.”
“Does the bicycle hurt your business?”
“Yes. The junior partner and the confidential buyer are both in the hospital.”
She: Was there anything particular about the town that struck you?
He: Yes, a bicycle.
Stranger: What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Policeman: Try to cross in front of a bicycle.
Wheeler: And don’t you think the bicycle will ever be useful in warfare?
Walker: No. I doubt it will ever get further than its present status as a mere instrument of assault and battery.
“It’s terrible,” he said, “to see the way one member of Congress after another gets unseated.”
“Well,” his wife answered, “it serves them right for giving in to the bicycle craze.”
Nurse: Willie, in your prayers you forgot to pray for grandmother’s safety.
Willie: Has she got a bicycle, too?
“What do you think of the bicycle craze?
“Great thing! I never took so much exercise in all my life.”
“Why, I didn’t know that you were riding.”
“I’m not, but I have to cross the streets once in a while.”
“Becoming pretty expert on the wheel, Timmons?”
“Very. I ran down two women, a baby and a dog last week without once falling off.”
Briggs: What! A new bicycle suit! And so different from the one you had on the other day.
Griggs: You bet it is! I ran over a woman who lives in the next block and I don’t want her to recognize me.
Ethel: “Did you ever run across a real smart man in your life?
Penelope: “No, indeed; such men jump very quickly when they hear a bicycle bell.”
“Ah,” said Mrs. Brown to her husband, who had come home with a black eye and no hat, “that’s what you get for riding a bicycle.”
“No, my dear; it’s what I get for not being able to ride a bicycle.”
Mrs. Yeast: I wish I could think of something to keep my husband home nights.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak: Get him a bicycle.
Mrs. Yeast: That would take him out more than ever.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak: O, no, it wouldn’t. My husband got one day before yesterday, and the doctor says he won’t be out for about a month.”
“They say riding a bicycle is health producing.”
“Can’t agree with you. I never had to pay so many doctors’ bills as I have since I took it up.”
“But you look extremely hale and hearty.”
“Yes, but I mean the doctors’ bills of those I ran over.”
“Are all of these young men anxious to become surgeons?” asked the visitor.
“They are,” replied the lecturer upon surgery.
“But how can so many expect to make a living?”
“Think if the effect of the present bicycle craze.”
Interested in cycling history? There’s plenty more in my eBook: The Boy With No Legs Who Rode Like the Wind. Here’s the link to my story about it and here’s the etsy link to get the book.