Whew, finally, it’s done … my eBook with hundreds of bicycle jokes, cartoons, proverbs, poems, stories, and superstitions. Here’s the cover and excerpts from the Intro and first four (of 29) chapters. If you’re interested in purchasing the complete book, here’s the link to my etsy page.

Introduction

The peak of the first great bicycle boom was from 1895 to 1898. The widespread introduction of the safety bicycle in the late 1880s, followed soon after by pneumatic wheels, fueled the boom. It infiltrated every facet of society: business, sports, religion, relationships, the suffrage movement, crime, medicine … and humor. Newspapers were chock full of jokes back then and a significant percentage were about bicycles. Some of these jokes were actually funny!

So many bicycle jokes appeared in newspapers that this one was written …

Reed: “I see that the bicycle business is giving employment to seventy thousand men.”

Wright: “I wonder if that includes the fellows who are writing bicycle jokes?”

I’ve been collecting these jokes (in their original form, including misspellings and outdated punctuation) and decided to share the best of them in this book. I’ll throw in a bit of context from time to time, to help make them a bit more understandable. But really, it’s all about the bicycle jokes. Off we go …

Chapter 1: The Bicycle (Joke) Boom

To get a sense of the times and the popularity of the wheel, here are a few random and miscellaneous bicycle jokes:

He: “What is the name of your wheel?”

She: “Do you mean the name the maker gives it, or the names papa called it when he fell over it in the hall night before last?”

*

“Isn’t it too bad about young Fosdick losing his mind?”

“It is, indeed. What caused him to go crazy?”

“He tried to select a bicycle from the advertisements in the papers.”

*

Mrs. Gloss: Why, Hannah, Rev. Mr. Whitechoker says he called on his bicycle yesterday and you said I was out.

Hannah: Yes, ma’am; you told me if any pedalers called I was to say that you were not at home.

*

Ethel: Did you buy that second-hand bicycle of a friend?

George: Well, I always considered him a friend till he sold me the bike.

*

Bandit: Throw up yer hands and don’t move unless you want to lose your brains.

Traveller: But say! You and I are riding the same kind of wheels.

Bandit (after hasty examination): Take back your pocketbook and depart in peace!

*

“I don’t want the wheel; it is too heavy.”

“Say, I’ll throw in a lamp. That’ll make it lighter.”

(Back then, it was illegal to ride at night without a lamp – and the lamps were oil lamps that wheelmen and wheelwomen lit with matches)

The bicycle is unknown around the North Pole. Up there they ride on ice cycles.

*

“What is apathy?

“It’s a strange and dangerous condition that a man sometimes falls into – a condition in which he has even been known to lend his bicycle.”

*

An Indian’s definition of a bicycle rider is “Heap lazy man who sits down when he walks.”

*

Bicycle Manufacturer: “Where am I?”

Nearest Angel: “Why, this is heaven. Isn’t it delightful?”

Bicycle Manufacturer: “It’s very pleasant but, I say (looking around critically), you ought to have better roads.”

*

“Poor Dick is gone! He was a devoted cyclist, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, indeed! He left a will stating that he was to be cremated and used to help out our new cinder path.”

*

The Professor: You are now gazing on that wonderful planet, Saturn.

The Seeker After Science: And what is that smooth, broad belt running all around it?

The Professor (Rising to the occasion): That, sir, is the track of the Saturn Bicycle club.

*

“Was he a famous man?”

“Famous! Why, my dear sir, they’re even talking of naming a new bicycle after him.”

Chapter 2: Accidents Will Happen

The most popular topic for bicycle humor was, far and away, accidents. I guess a bike-crash joke can be funny … if you’re not involved.

Bicycle riding is still on the increase, in spite of the falling off.

*

Hoax: What! You buying a bicycle? I thought you detested them?

Joax: So, I do, but I’ve been run over long enough. Now I’m going to have my revenge.

*

“It’s terrible,” he said, “to see the way one member of Congress after another gets unseated.”

“Well,” his wife answered, “it serves them right for giving in to the bicycle craze.”

*

Stranger (to bicycle rider): Are you acquainted with the roads around here, my friend?

Bicycle Rider (pointing to the scars on his face): Yes, I’ve met them quite often.

A Norristown youth who was trying to master a bicycle when asked his age, said he had seen fifteen summers and 115 falls.

*

She: Did you know I had a new bicycle suit?

He: No, I didn’t. Whom have you run over now?

*

Bacon: I see our minister is going to preach next Sunday on “The Fall of Man.”

Eghert: What! Another bicycle sermon?

*

“Is that report true about Wheeler joining the prohibitionists?”

“No, I think it started from his attempt last week to smash a brewery wagon with his bicycle.”

*

“Uncle Bob, what is a pedestrian?”

“Why, he’s the fellow who makes a row when a bicycle runs him over.”

*

She: Was there anything particular about the town that struck you?

He: Yes, a bicycle.

*

Stranger: What’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?

Policeman: Try to cross in front of a bicycle.

Chapter 3: Too Much Bike Talk

From the beginning, cyclists loved to talk to one another about: cycling!

“Wheeling,” said the man who talks bicycle, “wheeling develops the body most symmetrically.”

“So?” said the man who doesn’t ride. “I was beginning to get the notion that the jaw was the main thing developed.”

*

Talk of your own ability as a wheelman if you wish to make enemies. If you wish to make friends, listen while other riders tell of theirs.

*

What is the hardest thing to learn about a bicycle? asked the elderly boarder. But before the bloomer boarder could reply the Cheerful Idiot hastened to say: To keep from talking about it, as far as I can notice.

*

“That hanging was half an hour behind time.”

“Yes, the sheriff and the condemned man got to talking about their bicycles.”

*

The condemned man was standing on the scaffold and the sheriff was adjusting the black cap, when a loud cry was heard without and a swift scorcher on a blue-green bicycle came rolling up, waving in the air a reprieve. The sheriff removed the rope, and the relieved prisoner, glancing critically at the scorcher who had saved him, asked: “What make is that wheel?”

Chapter 4: Bike Envy

Burrows: What is the best wheel on the market?

Hills: The best wheel is not on the market any more. I bought it myself two weeks ago.

*

Wallace: I used to believe that hypnotism was a rank fraud, but I am a convert now.

Ferry: Been under the influence yourself?

Wallace: No. But a ‘professor’ got Wheeler on the stage and it was not five minutes before Wheeler was standing up before the crowd and asserting that there were lots of better bicycles than his.

*

Barrow: “That’s a dandy wheel you have there, old man. I’ll take a spin on it some day. By the way, what kind of wheel do you think I ought to ride?”

Marrow: “One of your own.”